FEBRUARY 2014

Hello. Hope you’re all well? It’s been a month of planes, trains and automobiles here at King Towers. I’ve done a fair bit of Globe-trotting since we last spoke. Been to Russia – Moscow to be exact – more of that in next month’s column! I also took the three – year-old to Edinburgh for the day to visit my mum, AKA Gaga – who’d just had her knee replaced. Boy that was some operation – I mean my trip and not her surgery! Before I start, I want to say my little one is normally really well-behaved – honest! I had to get the wee one up at 545am – and despite the promise of an adventure he was in a foul mood. With the taxi beeping and him insisting we took his Rory the Race Car roll-on suitcase – packed to the nines – for a day trip – we eventually made it to the airport. By this stage he was approaching nuclear on the hyper-scale of kids. Not sure if it was the smell of the aviation fuel or the fact he thought it was time for us to go on holiday to Mexico! Anyway, we get to security and I begin the operation of peeling him like an onion to get him down to his vest and pants – well not quite, but you get the idea. Is it just me or has airport security gone completely mad? It’s not like there are many child terrorists on the FBI’s most wanted list as far as I’m aware! So, as I am loading the three plastic containers with assorted coats, iPads, Kindles and the assortment of other items I seem to have accumulated – I turn round to pick up my mobile phone, wallet and boarding passes and spot him… The little tyke has climbed up onto the conveyor belt and is now in the process of heading towards the X-ray machine. If it wasn’t for the fact he was mine, I would have laughed out loud. It was like a scene from one of those kids’ movies. Only this didn’t have a happy ending.