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How are things?

Our life coach and agony aunt Dr Pam Spurr answers your questions every fortnight. The author of many self-help guides her latest is The Emotional Eater’s Diet for anyone who heads for comfort food in times of stress or unhappiness. More about Dr Pam below.

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Dr Pam’s new book The Emotional Eater’s Diet – Understand your emotions and become a healthy weight for life! Is out now. (Link: )

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Dear Dr Pam,
My husband and I have two little boys. The last one was born three months ago. We’ve always had a very relaxed relationship. I love him very much and I still fancy him too.

The problem is my tummy looks horrible after having my second son. My husband tells me he loves me just the way I am. But I feel so ugly when it comes to my tummy.

It’s ruining our sex-life despite the fact we’re still attracted to each other. Is there anything I can do about this? Thanks for your advice!

Dear “Mummy tummy”,

I do love it when I get a dilemma where I can start by saying you’ve got an excellent starting point. And in your case that’s because you both still fancy each other despite being busy young parents.

From today I’d like you to start thinking in terms of breaking down your obsession over your stomach.

First off, remember that just as you’re obsessing over how it’s “so ugly” you could choose to obsess over something positive. For instance, you could focus on how beautiful your breasts are.

Next what I’d like to do is start becoming aware of your thoughts about your stomach. Becoming “mindful” is really helpful to accepting how often you think about it. Plus what you’re actually thinking about it and how these negative thoughts create more general negativity within you.

Then when you start thinking about your stomach, I want you to substitute a positive thought about your best attribute. As mentioned above you might think your breasts are fantastic.

At the same time I’d like you to think of the main reasons why you are a wonderful woman and what your husband loves about you. Keep focused on these qualities because you are far more than simply a part of your body – your stomach in this case. And, of course, you’re far more than your physical attributes that you’re happy with.

Thinking along these lines helps you swap your negative obsessing into accepting you have physical attributes you like PLUS focusing on your personal qualities.

Also why not, while you’re boosting your body confidence, go shopping for something sexy, or that makes you feel attractive, that emphasises what you feel happiest with – a low-cut bra or a short skirt if you’re happy with your legs.

Now for the most important thing – apart from your physical attributes, and apart from your great personal qualities, now’s the time to focus on the fact that you both love each other.

After all what’s more important – your love for each other or your tummy? You must get this into perspective.

Finally get advice on pelvic floor and abdominal strengthening exercises to start toning up those muscles – either from a DVD or at your local gym. This is important to your general physical health as well as bladder health, stronger muscles there create orgasmic benefits – the stronger your pelvic health, the stronger your orgasms!

Good luck, Pam x