pam use

How are things?

Our life coach and agony aunt Dr Pam Spurr answers your questions every fortnight. The author of many self-help guides her latest is The Emotional Eater’s Diet for anyone who heads for comfort food in times of stress or unhappiness. More about Dr Pam below.

Follow Dr Pam on twitter  @drpamspurr but not on FaceBook or her website – life, love & sex advice at your EEDCoverTimfingertips. To buy her book, click

On Twitter @drpamspurr

Also visit

Dear Dr Pam,

This is such an embarrassment. After having my second child six months ago I’ve lost all my “tightness” down below. I didn’t have this problem after my first baby three years ago. I feel too embarrassed to mention this to my doctor or health visitor.

My husband and I started having sex again a couple months ago and I know he can’t feel me as much as before. I’m worried he’ll stop fancying me. And sex doesn’t feel so good to me anymore. Please help I’m desperate! How can I tighten up?

Dear “Tighter please”,

I’m so glad to hear from you because trust me 99% of mothers across the country are reading this and thinking, “Yep, that’s for me.” Please don’t worry, you can tighten yourself up and improve the loss of elasticity in your vaginal muscles.

Before I give you some tips I’d like to add that nothing should be off-limits from your health visitor. They’ve seen it all, they’ve heard it all, and many will have been there themselves. No need to spare your blushes if any other issues arise in future.

The tips that follow only take a few minutes every day but – and it’s a big but – you have to do it regularly. No slacking off and that’s not intended as a really bad pun.

What’s happened is your pelvic floor muscles have lost their strength after your second pregnancy. Here are the little exercises you need to do to get that back. First off, identify the muscles you use if you want to stop yourself ‘spending a penny’. Once you’ve identified those muscles squeeze them for 2-3 seconds at a time. Please don’t squeeze them too hard as you don’t want to strain them.

Now repeat this squeezing action 10 times. Do this both morning and night. As you feel yourself strengthening, start to build up to 20 squeezes morning and night – maybe after a couple weeks.

You’re going to become such a pro at your pelvic floor exercises that you can do them sitting on the bus, watching TV, sitting with your child, etc. Essentially anywhere, as once you get the hang of them no one can tell you’re squeezing. A word of warning – when you’re trying to get the hang of them you’ll probably pull slightly comic faces as you do them.

You should find within a month or two they’re much stronger. If not, ask your health visitor for additional suggestions as they’ll be used to dealing with this.

You might also find that your climaxes become more powerful as a strong pelvic floor has this added side-effect – bonus! Encourage your husband to do these pelvic floor exercises too – they’ll help him last longer – double bonus.

Good luck and stop worrying, Pam x